Monday, August 30, 2004

The Uninvited House Guest

Two weeks ago while working on the kitchen cabinets out in the garage, I noticed the bag of grass seed I bought awhile back had been chewed open. Of course, I immediately blamed the squirrels – little devils are into everything! Nothing’s sacred anymore! Anyway, last Friday evening, I decided it was time to start the stenciling on the cabinet doors and went out to the garage to grab one to experiment with. As I got out there and picked up the door – I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and looked up just in time to see a nice, fat rat running for cover.

Actually, those are one of the things I am terrified of. I had one once back in the late 80s while living in Alexandria, VA. The nasty thing got into the trash can and I saw it when I dropped in a bag of old newspapers. Of course, my ex was away at training and I had nobody who could dispose of the vermin for me. So, I grabbed my handy 22-short pocket pistol and shot the thing – a few times. Ok, so I emptied the entire clip into the trash can. Amazingly, there was only one hole in the can when I was done, so it was apparent the rat got the worst of it. I was referred to as "The Great White Hunter" for a while . . . .

Anyway, back to 2004. As soon as I noticed the creature (I’m sure it was about a foot long or more), I got on the phone and alerted my son, Michael. I said, “Michael – I have a rat in my garage and NO GUN!” After poo-pooing my hysteria for a bit, he finally agreed to come over and lead the search party. We moved lots of junk in the garage, and he was armed only with a flashlight and spade. I, all the while, stood cringing in the corner. We finally decided it was a huge job – too big for a spade – and ended up going to the hardware store for heavy artillery – a rat trap. We baited it with a ball of American cheese and left it on a well-traveled route (you could tell due to the poop trail).

Long story short, it finally was killed sometime Saturday night (a good, clean kill – right behind its little ear) but I had to dispose of the corpse. (Michael had made it clear he had NO intention of doing this for me – I was being WAY too silly!) I managed to pick it up, trap and all, with the trusty spade and put it in a plastic bag. It now sits in the trash can, waiting for this morning’s pick up. I can’t wait to know it is finally out of my life! Be grateful I didn't include a picture of this!

Yes, I apologized to the squirrels :(

1 comment:

Gwen said...

Oh, my god! Thank you for the laugh on this crappy morning when everyone else is existing just to piss me off. Needless to say, it's been one of those days. UGGHHH.